Ten Marriage

What Makes People End Marriage of Ten, Twenty, and or Thirty Years Baffles Me!

by with No Comment HEART-TO-HEART TALKMARRIAGE

Well, l was once like yourself.  I’d wanted to end it when the challenges were turbulent.  But l was reminded to think about my why.  I was admonished to take a deeper breath and remember every home comes with its challenges.  So, I’d weigh the consequences and the benefits that may occur after the separation.

What many people fail to do is to weigh the pros and cons before they quit the marriage. Today, you see couples displaying their dirty linens in the media. These are people who were once seen as best friends and great couples.

So, what happened to the love we once said we had for each other?  What happened to the patience and perseverance we once had at the beginning of our marriages? What happened to the forgiveness we promised to exercise?  What happened to the excuses we were once given to each other? Do we even care about each other in the first place? Do we?  Was the love real in the first place?

Most of our women do not want to persevere anymore – nor do they want to be patient at all.  We are quick to call it a day and we probably think there is a flawless man out there. Dear, do not deceive yourself. No home is free from challenges.  Do not be deceived by what you see in the media.  People only tell you what you love to hear. Dear, be patient with your husband and try to resolve your concerns. Leaving him for another man at this time may not be a good start. I am not sure leaving a marriage of twenty years is worth it. The man you are eyeing out there may be far worse than your husband. All that is glisters Is not gold. Think!!

 

 

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What about Men?

by with No Comment HEART-TO-HEART TALKMARRIAGE

The truth is the saying that, what you give out, is what you get back.  Oh, my dear sister, l wants you to pause for a second and ask yourself, how are you treating your husband? Yes, you may want to ask me the same question, and my husband can tell you the good and the bad sides of me. But I have always tried my best to treat my husband well.

It is saddening that many of our sisters had taken to Feminism, and their husbands are being treated like a piece of shit. It is understandable if a man has money and not doing, but a man who strives to make ends meet should not be termed stupid. Yes, every man should be the sole provider for his family. But, do you appreciate the little he provides? Ain’t you comparing him to your fellow Feminist husband’s friends? And when you spilled the truth, they ask, what about men?

Dear, treat your husband with love and mercy. Appreciate the man in your life. Appreciate the fact that through him you are proud to be called the mother of Sumayyah. He may not be giving as you want. He may be poor like a rat, but your Jannah still lies underneath his feet. If your husband is pleased with you, you should be thankful to Allah.

How many of us have taken to exposing our husbands? How many of us are not appreciative of all the good that is done to us? We are quick to tongue-lash our husbands and we hate them with passion without being remorseful. It may be that you hate what Allah loves and little do you know.

This life will end one day. But your action and inactions will stay with you forever. If you are not pleased with your husband for some reason, take it easy on him and continue to pray for him.  Which woman will tell her husband “You are stupid” because he couldn’t provide everything you want without seeking to see the wrath of Allah?

To those women who are sick and tired of the marriage because the husband isn’t bringing enough, and still able to maintain their patience, May Allah reward you.  May Allah raise our husband’s rank and make them responsible and accountable.  Dear, let’s continue to pray to Allah for our husbands same as the women companions did. They were not given rich husbands, but they were contented.  May Allah ease the affairs of our homes.

 

Umm Sumayyah Mai

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College Life!

by with No Comment ISLAMIC ETIQUETTESMEN AND WOMEN COMPANIONS

Dear honey, yes, you are my son and the only son that gives me joy and trouble. I remember the day you were born and the excitement that comes with knowing and meeting you for the first time.  Remember the story l told you about your birth.  And remember mentioning to you what most first-time mothers experience during labor. Giving birth to you was an unforgettable experience and l am glad for that rare opportunity.  Alhamdulillah!

I am writing to remind you about your next experience in life. That is life in college.  This reminder will benefit you and every other teenager who is opportune to read this note.  I was young, a little bit above your age when l entered College and l remember my mother’s advice during that time.

Know that college can be fun and stressful.  It can be saucy and frustrating, but you shouldn’t give up on your dream. Life is not meant to be easy at all times. It is meant to be ups and down and there are days you will encounter some challenges.  So, be prepared for them.

Remember the son of whom you are and

remember that Allah keeps a watchful eye on you. A lot of things happen in college that are not in line with the way you were raised. But you must be vigilant and cautious of your surroundings.  It’s important to always put Allah first. Let Allah be your priority. Ask yourself, what does Allah say in what l am about to do?

Life without Islam and Sunnah is a complete waste. So, remember the importance we attached to the five daily prayers. Observe them at the appropriate time without leaving them till late night.  Do not leave your prayer for anything. That’s your line of communication to the Highest, Allah.  When you feel empty and life treats you unusually, call unto Allah, the Mighty.

Some of the challenges that come with college is free-mixing. Be smart enough to not entertain anyone who may want to lure you into sinning.  Part of that is shaking hands with the opposite sex.  Do not be shy to refuse any handshake from the opposite gender. The Prophet said, ‘If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to.” So, remember this. It’s also very important to lower your gaze, be mindful of looking at Haram! Allah will question us regarding our gaze, what we listen to, and how we live our lives. Avoid Music of any kind. Instead, let the Quran be your Music. Listen to it for it helps to reduce the burden on one’s heart!

Know your companion. Know the type of friends you mingle with.  Be mindful of Allah regarding this. Do not be friends with a smoker, gambler, alcoholic, and or womanizer. The Prophet said: The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof.” So, take note of this.

Always prepare yourself for exams.  Do not be a cheater and do not entertain anyone to make you become one. Study well and always aims to be on the list of the most successful ones.  There is nothing difficult to solve.  You know the kind of a mother you have. So, take after me.  Do never give up on your challenges. Call Allah, and do never leave your prayers. You have all the tools equipped with you!  Use them Oh Dear, Son!

Remember Allah, and He will never forsake you! Let your Tahajud (Night prayer) be your means of closeness to Allah and do never leave your Quran on the shelf unopened. You were not raised to be clubbing. So, be wary of joining the bad gangs. It isn’t a good life! It’s rather a sinful life! Remember death may come unannounced!  Always prepare to meet Allah!

Drive cautiously and be mindful of whom you carry in your small car.  Do not entertain anyone who will ruin your life. Know when to say No! I have seen College students who were arrested, jailed, and or become deceased due to a motor vehicle accident.  So, take note of it. Run away from getting in trouble!  Do not imitate any abnormal character from any student. Be respectful to all your professors and carry the Islamic identity in you pretty well.  Render assistance cautiously, and know to which you say, yes, or No! Be mindful of Allah, and He will always protect and guide your steps. May Allah grant you success in both worlds.

I love You, Son!  Do never be tired of asking us questions.  We will always be there to support you, positively, ln shaa Allah!

 

Umm Sumayyah Mai

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Najiyyah’s Story Put Me to Tears!

by with No Comment HEART-TO-HEART TALK

Yesterday evening, we were at a Fund-Raising Dinner at Marriot Hotel and Conference Center, Rockville, Maryland. This program was organized by Dar-us-Salaam in conjunction with Al-Huda School.

Ikhwaan, indeed Allaah Azza Wa Jall has given us many opportunities that we all take for granted. Allaah’s Blessings constantly aim down on us, but hardly do we appreciate Him and His Bounties. As parents, it is important to constantly ask ourselves this question: “How is my relationship with Allaah and my kids? How does l want to be remembered when I’m gone?

In the “I testify, your story, your words” of yesterday, being part of the fund-raising dinner program with Al-Huda School, the story of Najiyyah touched many hearts, a story that put many to tears. I couldn’t hold my tears Subhanallah!

It was a heartwarming story, a soul-stirring message to all and sundry.

Najiyyah was the first-born of her parent. Najiyyah began her story with her father’s love for Islaam and his sacrifice to make sure his children have the best and become knowledgeable deen-wise. Najiyyah’s immediate brother was taken to Al-Huda at the age of 2 or thereabouts to begin learning the Qur’an, while Najiyyah herself was enrolled in Al-Huda School. During this period, her Mum said to her dad, “Isn’t he too little”, but her dad said, you can never tell what this boy will become tomorrow. The 2 years old boy, is now 13 years old and enrolled in Al-Huda Hifz school, and he was the one who recited the Qur’an to open yesterday’s program.

The journey began, things happened in life, trials set in and the family was to face the reality of life. Subhanallah! “Dad used to tell us the Islamic Seerah, he used to read to us the hadith of Rasoolullah and play with us a lot. He reminded us of the purpose of our existence and constantly call us to pray, and for us to remember death may knock at any time. He doesn’t stop there, he used to remind others and his family too”. This was a man who wasn’t born into Islaam, a Black American.

Later, our “brother” became ill back in 2014, and later died at the age of 36! Subhanallah! I wish that wasn’t mentioned in the story. By Allaah, it was a moment of silence and tears in that gathering. I couldn’t but get up afterward to hug Najiyyah, who herself was full of tears and I exchanged numbers with her Mum. I never knew she was the Mum until she began to weep beside me. We chatted and realized we live very close by. All of Najiyyah’s siblings are enrolled at Al-Huda School.

The lesson from this post:

Do all you can to seek Allaah’s face and do it now, don’t procrastinate.

Be involved in the life of your children, and leave behind the best for them (education).

Remain steadfast and be patient upon trials.

Death may knock at any time, so make use of your life before your death.

Do not be afraid to call people to Islaam, and do not get tired of the challenges attached to it.

Oh Allaah, forgive our brother and grant him a lofty place in Jannah. Ya Rabbil Alaameen!

Umm Sumayyah Mai

Yes, the Promise of Allah is Always True!

by with No Comment AQEEDAH

I was reading the story of Musa (May Allah be pleased with him) and ‘Firaun in Surah Al-Qasas, and l did agree that Allah is the Most Powerful, the fulfiller of all promises. When Allah make a promise to us, He doesn’t fail in His promises – same as when He warn us that His punishment is severe!

Allah has commanded that Prophet Musa’s mother cast him into the river – knowing that his son shall be returned back to him. She obeyed Allah, and what happened next was fascinating.  So, the wife of the tyrant ‘Firaun’ pleaded that Musa should not be killed. Perhaps, he may be the comfort of their eyes and may also benefit them. What struck me most is how Allah, the Mighty, does His wonders. Allah has prevented Prophet Musa from all the wet nurses in order for Him (Allah) to return him back to his mother.

وَحَرَّمۡنَا عَلَيۡهِ ٱلۡمَرَاضِعَ مِن قَبۡلُ فَقَالَتۡ هَلۡ أَدُلُّكُمۡ عَلَىٰٓ أَهۡلِ بَيۡتٖ يَكۡفُلُونَهُۥ لَكُمۡ وَهُمۡ لَهُۥ نَٰصِحُونَ-(12)

Al-Qasas

Allah said further,

“So We restored him to his mother that she might be content and not grieve and that she would know that the promise of Allah is true. But most of the people do not know.”

فَرَدَدۡنَٰهُ إِلَىٰٓ أُمِّهِۦ كَيۡ تَقَرَّ عَيۡنُهَا وَلَا تَحۡزَنَ وَلِتَعۡلَمَ أَنَّ وَعۡدَ ٱللَّهِ حَقّٞ وَلَٰكِنَّ أَكۡثَرَهُمۡ لَا يَعۡلَمُونَ ﴿13) Al-Qasas

Indeed most of us do not know. When things fall apart, it’s important to always return back to Allah. All Allah wanted is our sincerity and reliance in Him. He tested you to see your reactions and how you handle the trials and tribulations.  He wanted you to be closer to Him and request from Him alone, that He may fulfil His promises. Would you not think and return back to Him?

 

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Let’s Come Back to Allah

by with No Comment AQEEDAHHEART-TO-HEART TALK

hat will be most painful when we meet Allah is not making it to paradise. The truth is, most of us will struggle to make ends meet till we meet our death. So, that means, we may never become a millionaire till our death knocks. As such, what is more beffiting is going back to Allah. Being deep-rooted in practising our deen – and having the mindset that death may come unannounced.

Let’s make a routine schedule for ourselves and struggle hard to always seek to the face of our LORD. Do not forget Allah while you chase the dunyah. We have all abandon our creator – we have given up on our deen. The truth is, no amount of money you acquire will help you to enter paradise if you are not upon the deen. May Allah ease for us our affairs.

 

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Oh Youngsters!

by with No Comment HEART-TO-HEART TALKMEN AND WOMEN COMPANIONS

I was that small girl who was raised by a Mum of seven. I lost my father at a tender age of 11. Yet, l promised myself to stand tall and do all it takes to make my mother proud by being successful. It was a tough journey for a small child like myself. Life was hard! Life was difficult! It was terribly, terrible!

Truly, we were blessed with a kindhearted, loving mother. She was all l could raise my head up and see – all l could share my pains and worries with. Oh My mother! I was a vulnerable girl. But, l refused to be used and dumped by men. I was always careful and l always tried to follow my mother’s advice and instructions.

Perhaps, you are blessed with good parents who nurture and raised you to become successful in both worlds. That Allah has given you a mother and or father who are there for you is indeed enough as a blessing. You should always be grateful. You should always do your best and live your life memorably.

My father was gone when l needed him most. He was overtaken by death which we all owe! I missed every moment that requires his attention – every gathering where his empty seat were spotted. I missed his fatherly love!

My call is for you as a youngster to listen and be obedient to your parents. Perhaps they may leave you unannounced. The life of this dunya is nothing but temporary. Take with you what will make you become successful tomorrow. Be a child whom your parent will be proud of. Avoid being used as sex toy, and choose your friend wisely. Live your youthful age honourably!

Umm Sumayyah Mai

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We Got Stuck at Jeddah Airport

by with No Comment HEALTH AND FITNESSHEART-TO-HEART TALK

I wanted to share this piece with you based on tawakkul (reliance on Allah) and (sincerity) in doing things solely for the sake of Allah. We had left Mekka early for Jeddah, and we got to King Abdulaziz International Airport around 3:45 am waiting for our flight back to Dulles Airport, Washington.

Upon our arrival at Jeddah Airport, we immediately checked in without delay. That’s around 4 am. The flight takes off at 8:40 am. I didn’t want to go in earlier, so l had set the alarm for 7:23 am where we were sitting at the check-in station. I didn’t pay attention to the boarding time set for (7:10 am) again. My brain has glued to the 8:40 am. Though we have been exhausted and tired. So, we needed to nap before the flight kicks off. Unfortunately, we slept past the time a little bit. And upon getting to the passport check entrance, we realized we couldn’t go in again. I verified with one of the attendees and we were told we were too late. Flight missed! What a heartbreak!!

As if that wasn’t enough. The next story is not funny at all. Then, l was told to see someone at the counter and that someone redirected me to one and another one. I went straight to the customer service representatives. She redirected me to follow the queue and make my complaint known. So, back to the airline representative after a long queue. I can’t help you was his response. So, l was told to see the ‘guest (kinikan).” The lady wouldn’t help me as well. Now, she said to go see the “Ministry of Hajj Rights”. After checking whatever & whatever, they said to go back to them.

Now, l was asked to pay 8500 SAR to book a new flight that will take us back to the United States. That wasn’t funny at all. I was like another $2500 after all the spending here and there? Where is that money going to come from? So, l left the place and go back to the “guest kinikan” l said l do not have any money to pay. I am just coming from spending a whole lot. I have exhausted all l have. I thought l was the only one. Not at all. We were many that needed help. But, we were asked to pay ni o. I remember a sister with her husband and children who were very angry at the lady. And two other ones whose tickets were booked for the wrong day. How about another one who had been at the airport for two days? I was telling myself, Majeedah, you do not have a choice. Still, whenever l think of the money l have to waste for that matter, l just realized tears rolling down my cheeks.

No, l can’t pay such an amount. Now, I started supplicating to Allah. I began with Solatul lbrahimiyyah, then lstigfaar. At this moment, l recall what was shown to me in the Masjid of the Prophet (Medina Al-Munawarrah). Then I began to chant Allahuma La Sahla, Bismillahi Allahuma Rahmatakha, and La illaha illa anta. So, hours passed by. Still no way out. So, l raised my head and was having a conversation with Allah in tears. I couldn’t remember anything. Cause, l have always begged Allah to not make me remember any good l do to people. But, two things strike my mind.

So, l say to Allah, Allah you remember the day l sat by the side of my bed crying to you that l have to send another money to feed the needy and the poor. I wasn’t buoyant that day. But, l did it for your sake. Oh Allah, they are your servant. Oh Allah, remember those that l cloth on Eid day from among your servant. If it is true that l have done it for your sake without expecting anything back nor was it done to show off. Please, relieve me of this burden. I do not have such an amount to pay. I can’t pay such an amount, Ya Allah.

Eventually, l was asked to bring my old ticket, the guy collected it and said to me, go get your baggage and come back to me. I will put you on another flight. That was the end of it. This whole drama took me 8 hours to resolve. I was grateful. I didn’t pay a dime when many people had to pay. It was indeed a test of faith. If one is not strong in faith, one would have questioned Allah. Indeed, it was a test of faith and l am grateful in all situations. It feels good to be home. May Allah accept our Ramadaan and Umrah.

Umm Sumayyah Mai

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Mistakes Parents Make In Raising Children!

by with No Comment HEALTH AND FITNESSISLAMIC ETIQUETTESMEN AND WOMEN COMPANIONS

Giving up on them: Yes, some children are difficult to raise. But once you become tired and leave them alone, you had only added more to their problems. Never give up on your child’s challenges and behavior.

Dua: This can’t be stressed enough. That you made a dua for a particular child and it hasn’t manifested in the child’s behavior doesn’t make you relent. You must continue and be hopeful that Allah will change the child.

Not rewarding a child when he does well. A child should be praised for the little he achieved and encouraged to continue the same pattern.

Not creating time for children: We have seen cases of abandonment in children. This isn’t because both parents are divorced, but because they do not care about raising and nurturing good children. The husband works Mon – Sunday and the mother is always at work. No days are left for the children. We must prioritize our time and do less overtime if we want our children to be successful in both worlds.

No importance is attached to Islamic etiquette and teaching: Children should be taught basic Islamic education. They must be raised on pristine Islam and the fear of Allah should be cultivated in them. A child whose parent doesn’t pray may find prayer strange when advised of its importance. A child should be taught about Tawheed and what it means to be dutiful to Allah and one’s parents.

When parents overlook a child’s bad manners and character: Foremost, you must know your child’s companion and no parent should ignore a child who constantly proves no manners. Correction should be made without delay and reprimanding such behaviour approrapltely is the best.

Every child is unique in their ways: Do not compare A to B. Avoid creating destructive jealousy in their minds. Talk to each child accordingly when they are wrong and do not make a comparison in front of them. That doesn’t mean l am perfect in this area, l have done it before, but it isn’t the best. It may lead to low self-esteem and depression. Caution should be taken at all times.

May add more later, ln shaa Allah. May Allah bless our children and make them successful in both worlds.

Umm Sumayyah Mai

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Live, Laugh & Love

by with No Comment HEART-TO-HEART TALKISLAMIC ETIQUETTES

Every pregnancy comes with its challenge. And to be blessed with the fruit of the womb is Fadhl from Allah. Indeed a blessing from the Highest (Allah). While l was pregnant with my last child, as early as the last trimester, the illness l had, couldn’t be described. From emesis (vomiting) to heartburn. The food regurgitation in the middle of my sleep couldn’t ever be forgotten. When that happens, l had to struggle to catch my breath. In the long run, l resorted to sleeping in a sitting position as the pregnancy grows. Though the pregnancy hormone (progesterone) can increase heartburn, starting in the first trimester and indigestion is common in pregnancy as well.

Furthermore, pregnant women in their late second and third trimesters may experience a condition similar to superior vena cava syndrome. This occurs when the inferior vena cava (the smaller of the two veins that transport deoxygenated blood back to the heart) gets compressed by pressure from the fetus and the enlarged uterus. This is also called Supine Hypotensive syndrome. As described above, the gravid uterus compresses the inferior vena cava when a pregnant woman is in a supine position, leading to decreased venous return centrally.

Yes, l want the baby to live like the rest. I want to see her laugh and hold her tight with love. Each time l looked at the big belly, l was always scared. I was scared of myself, the baby, and my labor. I always pray that l come back home with the baby and myself alive. I was between fear and hope. Each time l woke up pregnant, l was always thankful. And l was looking forward to the day the baby will finally arrive.

Unlike some of my children, I waited for forty weeks and some days before she finally arrived. I can’t describe how the labor went. At a point, l was going to give up on pushing. But l was encouraged to never give up. One thing l didn’t give up on, was my prayer. It was my “coat”. And Allah never leaves a servant who calls Him by His name. I am thankful she had the opportunity to live, and we finally had to laugh and raise her beautiful self, with love, mercy, and care.

I pray for all TTC sisters and as well as all pregnant women reading this. May Allah ease your affairs and May He grant you a safe delivery.

Umm Sumayyah Mai
July 1st, 2022