You cannot give peace when your heart is full of bitterness. You cannot give love when you have not learned to love sincerely. You cannot give understanding when you refuse to understand others. You cannot give patience when you have not learned to manage your own emotions.
In marriage, parenting, friendship, and human relationships, we often expect people to give us what they have never learned to cultivate within themselves.
We demand emotional maturity from those who have never confronted their own wounds. We expect kindness from those who have never experienced or understood its value. We seek reassurance from people who are still struggling with their own insecurities.
But here is something worth reflecting on: what you lack within yourself may eventually become what you struggle to offer others.
This does not mean people cannot change. It means that growth begins with awareness, and awareness must lead to intentional effort. You must be willing to learn, unlearn, heal, and develop the qualities you wish to share with others.
As Muslims, we must also remember that we are all works in progress. We ask Allah to beautify our character, purify our hearts, and help us become people who bring goodness into the lives of others.
Before asking, “Why can’t this person give me what I need?” sometimes we must ask, “Does this person possess the emotional, spiritual, or personal capacity to give what I am asking for?”
And if you discover that they do not, you must decide wisely whether to exercise patience, encourage growth, establish healthy boundaries, or reconsider your expectations.
You cannot pour from an empty cup, but you can choose to fill it.
May Allah make us people who possess goodness within ourselves and share that goodness sincerely with others. Āmīn.
Umm Sumayyah Mai
You cannot give peace when your heart is full of bitterness. You cannot give love when you have not learned to love sincerely. You cannot give understanding when you refuse to understand others. You cannot give patience when you have not learned to manage your own emotions.
In marriage, parenting, friendship, and human relationships, we often expect people to give us what they have never learned to cultivate within themselves.
We demand emotional maturity from those who have never confronted their own wounds. We expect kindness from those who have never experienced or understood its value. We seek reassurance from people who are still struggling with their own insecurities.
But here is something worth reflecting on: what you lack within yourself may eventually become what you struggle to offer others.
This does not mean people cannot change. It means that growth begins with awareness, and awareness must lead to intentional effort. You must be willing to learn, unlearn, heal, and develop the qualities you wish to share with others.
As Muslims, we must also remember that we are all works in progress. We ask Allah to beautify our character, purify our hearts, and help us become people who bring goodness into the lives of others.
Before asking, “Why can’t this person give me what I need?” sometimes we must ask, “Does this person possess the emotional, spiritual, or personal capacity to give what I am asking for?”
And if you discover that they do not, you must decide wisely whether to exercise patience, encourage growth, establish healthy boundaries, or reconsider your expectations.
You cannot pour from an empty cup, but you can choose to fill it.
May Allah make us people who possess goodness within ourselves and share that goodness sincerely with others. Āmīn.
Umm Sumayyah Mai
