Humans are born with flaws and shortcomings, and we all carry them. There’s no perfect being; we make mistakes and repent. However, when it comes to marriage, it’s crucial to know your partner’s background and antecedents.

Someone asked with apprehension, How can I identify someone with the fear of Allah? This question can be challenging to answer, as many people present themselves in a certain way. Only Allah knows the truth about someone’s character – whether their public and private lives align with truthfulness.

Marriage involves more than just good impressions. To truly know someone, consider their associations, relationships, and interactions. The Prophet emphasized the importance of knowing a person’s character by observing how they interact with others, such as business associates, travel companions, and close friends.

When evaluating a potential partner, be diligent in your prayers and seek guidance from your parents and sincere advisors. Ask yourself: Is this person truly good for me, despite any red flags? May Allah assist you in making wise decisions.

– Umm Sumayyah Mai

I’m still reflecting on our Shaykh Al-kutubi’s recent video on marriage and the fear of Allah. He emphasized the importance for young sisters to prioritize a righteous, God-fearing partner over someone who appears knowledgeable but lacks Taqwa. While knowledge is essential, it’s crucial to look beyond a man’s eloquence or fluency in Arabic and or the Quran.

Before marriage, investigate thoroughly. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not a game. Ensure you’re saying ‘I do’ to a man who values and respects you, not someone who’ll marry you for a fleeting moment and discard you. Being divorced in such a situation is not fun!

To my sisters who’ve experienced divorce, don’t rush into another relationship because someone seems popular or charming. Instead, assess their character and fear of Allah. Are they genuinely committed to your well-being, or do they just want to take advantage of your vulnerability?

Be wise, and don’t be swayed by sweet talk. May Allah ease our affairs and guide us toward what’s best.

– Umm Sumayyah Mai

Life is a trial, and marriage can be a test of faith. What’s crucial is to marry someone who fears Allah. Unfortunately, the fear of Allah we preach to our sisters isn’t always reflected in some of our men. These sisters often end up questioning the faith we encouraged them to have. Could it be that some men pretend to have this fear but don’t truly possess it?

The foundation of marriage is built on love, deen, and compatibility. Marriage is half of our deen, and we must live with one another honorably. What do we call a man who neglects his pregnant wife simply because she’s offended him? Where is the love in such a man’s heart? Where is the fear of Allah? Why would someone impregnate a woman and leave her to care for the pregnancy and baby alone? That is humiliating and disheartening!

On the other hand, marriage has taught me valuable lessons about patience, perseverance, and endurance. It’s taught me that trials can come in marriage and that I shouldn’t dismiss opportunities for counseling and guidance from those who’ve experienced similar challenges. Marriage has also shown me that it’s not always easy and that comparisons with others’ relationships are unfair. Marriage has taught many of us to learn from our mistakes and advise others not to rush into or out of marital challenges without careful consideration. Perhaps life is a trial, and things can still be resolved if both parties are willing to work on their issues.

Those who think they’re superior to their spouses could benefit from humility and fearing the Most High. Marriage has also been a blessing for women who remain faithful despite being tested by unfaithful spouses. Allah may replace the unfaithful spouse with someone better.

When Allah tests you in your marriage, don’t make a rash decision. There are many factors to consider before closing all doors. Will the next man be better than your previous husband? What about his faith and fear of Allah?

If you plan to divorce your husband because he married another woman and you have children, you need to weigh the chances of finding a man willing to accept children. You may likely end up in a similar situation again (getting married to an already married man). In all, prayers are necessary, and do not always base your judgment on emotions. May Allah ease the affairs of our homes and guide us to nurture our relationships with love and care.

– Umm Sumayyah Mai

If a widow were asked how much she misses her husband, she might not stop crying, and perhaps she won’t remember the bad times. All she’ll want to recall is his good side. The thought of not seeing him again is sorrow, pain, and agony enough. She would have forgiven him, and instead, she misses him, especially if he had left her with multiple children.

This should be the same in marriage. Recognizing that no one is flawless except Allah is enough to forgive our hurts. Especially if our spouse feels remorseful and wants to make amends at all costs. If Allah blesses you with a good spouse and an issue arises in your marriage, try to see the good side of your spouse and don’t close all doors. Marriage requires forgiveness, sacrifice, patience, and endurance. No one on earth is flawless, and our spouses will inevitably have flaws. We must learn to overlook some of their flaws and forgive them for the sake of Allah.

This advice isn’t for spouses who don’t care about the relationship, but for those who are sincerely working hard to make it work. May Allah ease the affairs of our homes.

– Umm Sumayyah Mai