Your husband can never possess all you desire in a man

No, it’s not possible! You too don’t have all he wants in a woman, remember. Why is this so? It’s simply because neither you nor he is perfect.

My dear, don’t try leaving that marriage, if it is not:

1. apostasy;

2. promiscuity;

3. financial irresponsibility (such as deliberate stinginess);

4. physical or emotional violence;

5. sexual incapability; and

6. premeditated abandonment.

The decision to take a walk due to one, some or all of the above should only be made after frantic efforts to put him right had proven abortive. You should have either spoken to a wise elder or a marriage counsellor to help arbitrate in the matter. This is because:

1. a man who apostatises may heed correction and end up a better Muslim;

2. a man who yearns to have a taste of anything under skirt may become the most faithful husband;

3. a stingy man, if spoken to, may end up the most generous;

4. a man who pounds his wife, if therapeutically handled, may become the calmest husband on earth;

5. a man whose manhood hardly rises for bedding showdown may end up a fabulous wrestler on the war ring et cetera.

Every other thing aside the aforementioned may be enduringly managed till death does you both part. Things such as:

1. he’s poor (That is no fault of his, if laziness isn’t the cause. The poorest man today may become the richest tomorrow, remember);

2. he doesn’t help me do house chores;

3. he snores;

4. He farts;

5. he doesn’t tell me he loves me;

6. he doesn’t wish me a happy birthday;

7. he doesn’t take me out often;

8. I can’t bear a second wife;

9. he doesn’t call nor visit my parents like he does with his;

You may add to the list.

If you leave a man because he doesn’t do something, the other man you will later come across, because he’s no Angel, will equally have his own shortcomings, and his may even be more injurious to bear.

What makes one last in marriage is endurance. As you enjoy, you endure. Don’t expect too much.

Sanni Kay Yūsuf

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He Needs You Now

I am human, with feelings, and blood flows through my veins like everyone else’s. Losing a child, let alone multiple children is nothing I will ever forget about this unforeseen tragedy. I have been there. I know what it takes to lose two pregnancies, let alone a grown-up niece. I am a woman, a mother, and a registered nurse. I have strong emotions. I humbly ask Allah to console the bereaved parents.

The principal of the Islamic School where the tragedy occurred is in my prayers. So is Queen Naomi, who did what I can do as someone who loves giving charity. People may not understand; it’s inbuilt. It’s hard to stop giving if you are a genuine, sincere giver. Even when you wish to stop due to circumstances, like the stampede that happened in Ibadan recently. May Allah grant them both ease.

Alhaji Oriyomi Hamzat is sincerely in need of your prayers as a Muslim and, most importantly, as someone who has benefited from him before this tragedy. Now is the time for the old, the young, the orphans, and the widows he has helped to intensify their prayers. I have never spoken with him before in my life. I only appreciate him for standing tall for others, regardless of their faith. That alone is enough for me to continue spreading this word.

Our brother needs our prayers. He needs us to be there for him during this critical period of his life. Allah hasn’t created anyone whom He doesn’t have control over. He is the Mighty, the Lord of the Majestic Throne. May Allah not leave you to yourself, even in the blink of an eye. May you all come out sound, safe, and well. Amin.

Umm Sumayyah Mai